THE KING’S COURT

Why do others smile when I am crying on the inside? I really don’t understand the world that I am living in, for all that it’s worth I really don’t understand myself. With a flash, two blinks, I go from making the world around me smile, happy, to feeling like I want to jump off the highest part of this Kingdom with a rope tied around my neck. What the hell is so funny King, Queen,& Prince. You can’t be laughing with me because if you could see under all this makeup you won’t see a smile, you will see a man, that’s right a man, who for the sake of this Kingdom have degraded himself to make you all feel better about yourselfs, yes your lonely selfs. I see the way the King shrugs at his Mistress, the woman who thinks she’s Queen, but in all sense she’s just a well taken care of prostitute, I see how this King forces his hand on his servants when his orders are not directly followed. This is a King who did not ever grant me the honor of having a wife, so that I could have at lease a family, so that I would at lease feel like a man. I have served this Kingdom with all my heart & all my soul, to provide pleasure for this King & his little Prince. Speaking of the Prince he pulls my nose & laughs, he thinks it’s funny, it’s not. Being that I don’t want to get hung by the only neck I have, I with all the strenth I have in my body, reframe from giving the Prince a good lashing, which all kids deserve when they disrespect adults. I am a man, maybe not the man my mother intended me to be, but I am a man. Some of you don’t understand what I am feeling, but most of you do. Have you ever heard a joke that everyone found funny, laughing loud, but you don’t think it is as funny as the others around you make it out to be? Well I feel this everyday now, everyone is laughing, but I did’nt find the humor in nothing that was said. Is the joke on me or about me, I ask myself sometimes? This has made me cold, almost numb to the emotions that others show around me. This is not the man that I want to be! I am full of joy, full of life, with alot of love to give & I do give it, I give all my love to others for the sake of this Kingdom. Whatever you do don’t feel sorry for me. I just want you to understand & feel the pain of others that you encounter everyday of your life, they maybe even apart your life. You may see alot people in your life smiling, but ask yourself, then ask those around you, those you really care about, are you really happy or are you just pretending to be happy to make me happy! Some people hide their pain for the sake of others, & some people just accept the fact, & some deal with the fact that they will never be happy regardless because no-one cares about their happiness. We all deserve happiness, but how, & what makes us happy is totally up to us as a people, we must start to give a damn about others happiness. We are all human, so their is no reason what so ever to degrade others for you own happiness. Which brings me to Karma. Alot of people think that Karma is about what you do to others coming back the same way. But I Jester have a little of my own knowledge on such a thing. Karma is cause & effect. It’s when you cause a thing in your life to happen , but the plain truth is that, the effect you get from that cause may not always be the same. For instance, I have a very reasonable Cause for wanting to spank the little Prince, for all the cruel things he does to me for the sake of fun, but the Effect of that spanking will be the death of myself. Now is that the same? My point is, the pain others feel may be a Cause of their own making, but for the sake of all mankind see what kind of Effects you can impose to Cause change in someone’s life that will make them feel the Effect of feeling better about themselfs.The Effect is a better Humanity. The homeless guy on the street is not for you to feel proud about yourself. He is their to remind you of your duties to Humanity. That’s why I chose this job, in the begining it was to make people feel good, happy & enjoy life, but now all I feel is confused!