What I Need
I sit sometimes & wonder do I have any feelings at all! Everytime I try to express the way I feel it’s just not the right time. Is my timing off? I mean when the feelings begin to rush forth, I seem to not be on the same page as the person I want to convey those feelings too. On the other-hand, this seems to always happen as well, I just wait to late to say what I truely feel & that person is not around anymore! Where’s the balance? I may at times move to fast, but more then often I seem to be slow-poakin around. I have found true love, & I can now say that I truely love myself, I am a good person regardless of what you may think of me!! You never understand people until they are not around anymore, then all the feelings of how things could have been made better comes back to your mind, & this makes you feel most times like you never really let that person go!! Take a close look into my eyes & let me know if you see any fear!! I am afraid of what I will do & I do get scared sometimes of what I won’t do, but most of all, I am afraid of myself, for the simple fact that I am a to myself, by myself type person & to much time to myself make me uneasy!! I’m really starting to wonder do I really love myself because alot of times I can’t be by myself at all!! I was watching "Good Will Hunting" last night, & it made me feel like I could relate to this dude who never been in love before & had this complex about people getting to close to him. In my mind, I feel like no-one is really willing to let you get to know them, & get all in to them as a person because, also like myself I feel like, the first feelings you get when you see a person are the feelings that you are always gone to feel & that’s not true!~! People have a mutitude of personalities that they are afraid to let go of!! I maybe the first to admit that, but you know it’s true!! Do you know how many people are inside of you? If you did would you be willing to be all of those people so we can really see who you are? I know who I am & I am afraid of people sometimes knowing who I am. I am not afraid to let a person know that I don’t know who I maybe from time to time, but just come along for the ride with me. I have said it before & I really mean it. You really don’t know people at all out here, it’s just a gamble!! A gamble that you take on people when you have things in common! I must say that I may sound a little silly saying this, but I know why I chose all the eccentric people to always be around or to have a relationship with!! In my eyes these people have a better understanding for who they are & what they want. All ya’ll so call normal people are just that, normal like your TV shows, very good carbon copies of what this world wants you to be. I don’t follow the crowd & the hardest question you could ask me is , what’s my type? My type is hard to explain, my type can’t be classified, my type won’t be subjected to think in the realm of your low thinking. I like smart women with a sense of knowing that they are unique by the standards set by your local media!~! I have for a while asked the question to myself about what I like in people & what keeps my attention, but all I could come up with is that I am the same person that I am looking for. I want someone who reminds me of me!! I want someone who could blend in anywhere. A classy woman, with a bitch of an attitude to deal with, a book smart woman, who can hold it down in the streets!~! Looks don’t have a place in my heart, it holds a place in my eyes & in my eyes you will lose yourself, because that’s how I judge looks, by that look in your eyes that you give me, by that feeling I feel when I lose myself in your eyes, by you knowing that I am lost in you & by the way you help me find my way to your heart!~! (Now that’s Beauty to me) Let yourself go, what do you really feel in those times when you are alone, & nobody is their to help you to understand the thoughts you are having!~! Who do you turn to when asked the question that you are sure people want to ask you about you? Me, myself I don’t want anyone around me who can’t except my personality conflict, hell I’m willing to except all those people inside of you, I would have it no other way. It really takes a strong person to be alone, me I am not that strong yet but I will have to be because my life is going through an out of body change!! My mind needs solitude, but my body needs you!!
Kingtay I
