• Impartiality —– Distance —– Coldness —– Justice

• Objective mind—– Criticism —– Being clever —– Insensivity

• Decision —– Intellect —– Analysis —– Realism —– Severity

• Responsibility —– Rationality —– Clear vision —– Logic and reason

                                    With every passing day I learn more & more, & it feels good to know that I , yeah that’s right me , I have the keys to my mind & I can unlock this gate anytime I feel, & flood my mind with a wealth of knowledge. Some people will look at this & with a closed mind, will say that I have lost my mind. Well if you know me, I have lost my mind a long time ago!! The Justice card, number eleven, with it’s sick design teaches me about having good balance in my life, only I can judge me, only I can pass judgement on those that allow me to hear their cases in this Kings Court. The bible says " judge not for ye one day will be judged " who really has the right to judge? I don’t judge because it’s not my place to tell you what’s right & what’s wrong, you will have to figure that one out yourself. Why in relationships we judge our lovers so badly? We all are human & we make mistakes that really don’t require judgement, it just requires a little understanding!! Me I consider myself a very open-minded person, at times a little too open-minded, but having a open-mind don’t mean that I don’t feel things that makes me want to say that you are wrong & I am right! I just choose not to do that because, what’s right for me, can be all bad for you in your mind so why would I try to change that!! I wish I could get the world to see things my way, but what fun would that be? Let people be who they gonna be, & you mite see that person for who they truely are! I feel like I am going through a mid-life crisis because my mind has open-up so wide that I see very clear now, the only problem I am having, is trying to get the people around me to understand that my thought process is very well put together! I wish growing-up I would had this clear train of thought that I have now, but since it’s did’nt happen that way, I call it Divine Justice. God will only give you what you are ready for! Now that my mind has caught up to my body, I even see it now,  that being exposed to a wealth of information,  I seem to better retain it now that I am a little more logical!! The Scale is for balance & the sword is for right action, I will argue that if you have right action, & balance, you will have justice!! Justice represents the understanding that life is ultimately fair and just. Even though the vagaries of day-to-day life tend to make us doubt this fact, Justice reminds us that there is divine balance. Nobody will ever understand what you see out your eyes, but just know that their are written & unwritten laws that govern the way Justice is handed out, so just know that, the justice I am speaking of, is the justice of your life, that if you balance the things in your life, & when you have trials & you make right action of the trials that you are going through, you will have justice, you will have justice that no judge can give you , you will have Divine Justice, this justice will provide that light that we all are in search of!~!

Kingtay I

                                              Round & round it goes, where it stops nobody knows. Well here we are again, at a time in life where truth shall set you free!! Where do I start? Who do I start with? Well the first thing I want to say is that the Queen is off limits, if you have something you want to say to me, say it to me!! I know you maybe a little upset about something that may have happen, but your beef is with me & not her!! I see & hear the things you both are saying but, you are the same two who’s back I use to knock-out not so long ago. If the Queen wants to hunt me down, then that’s her job, but you two were the same two who were crying in the middle of the night asking, am I still coming to your houses!! In your eyes she maybe a fool for me, but you two were also fools for me! (Can anyone say other-wise) Chaos I have told you once before you undercover ——— , don’t get to big for your pants , you are nothing to me & that’s understood, so don’t be a angry black woman about it. You got some dude all in your face now so be happy, or are you mad he’s not me. I don’t sell pipe dreams, I just know better then to deal with some stanky stank. Yeah baby your shit stank not to mention your ——–. You should’nt have to tell a grown women to take a bath!! Now on to Jade my first love, how did you get caught-up in this babygirl just let it go!  You mean more to me then Chaos because I have known you longer, so I won’t be as harsh, but that goes for you too! I mean if I wanted you, I would have you, but I did’nt go their cause I seen it going nowhere. I told you before you called that little stakin —– girl that she was good at choosen sides, now that you have open that door who side are you on. You don’t know her, so don’t pretent that you do, I am sure yall had a little male bashing speech about me, but I have only sweet things to say about you so don’t let it get ugly!!! Don’t fault me for having a mind of my own, the slightest thing you say to me clicks in my mind & the whole relationship changes, so I see you don’t call me anymore but don’t hate me because I don’t hate you!! It’s all Love Jade! Chaos I got your girl friend, How does that feel? I mean you took me to meet one of your friends & now you see with your own eyes the effect I have on people!! Are you mad? It’s not about you, so just enjoy you little dude you with, at lease I’m man enough not to run away when Conflict is coming!! You must understand why you are Confusion & I am Conflict!! Now go clean your underwear, I don’t know what I was thinking oh so long ago. I try to be open minded when it comes to looks but bitch you make me look bad as if I don’t have any standards when it comes to women. I have taken all the jokes about your ugly ass in stride, I made you feel better about yourself & this is the way you repay me, go fuck yourself you good at that!! I don’t get upset often but today is one of those days when I have got to free myself of all the bullshit around me. Today is the day of the "Wheel Of Fortune" let it spin you dizzy hooker, & go sell that thang for Daddy!! Well I guess I have said to much but last but not lease if my Queen calls again, be nice & keep it movin, but after this she won’t ever call you again because now she will know that I don’t talk to your stupit-ass!! Ask yourself why your friend won’t have a threesome with ya big nasty looking boyfriend. Ya’ll deserve eachother!! So who rolls stank the most?? Oh yeah you like to Quote songs so much finish this one for me. 

I think its time i made a song fo niggas who don’t know me
I graduated at the streets, Ima real OG
I been trappin shootin pistols since I stood on both feet
So while you niggas actin bad, you gon have to show me
You gone make me bring a chevy to a real slow creek
My niggas hangin out the window, mouth fulla gold teeth
When the guns start poppin, wonder when its gonna cease
Cap’ll hitchu on the side and create a slow leak
We been in the speculation cuz today we gone see
What’s the future of a pussy nigga hatin on me
I giva fuck about the feds investigation on me
I don’t care they at my shows and they waitin on me
Ima keep a flossy poppin long as to is on the beat
Tell police that I ain’t stoppin Ima keep it in the streets
Contrary to yo believes, im as real as you can be
Fuck yo thoughts and yo feelings nigga you don’t know me.

                                                 I sit sometimes & wonder do I have any feelings at all! Everytime I try to express the way I feel it’s just not the right time. Is my timing off? I mean when the feelings begin to rush forth, I seem to not be on the same page as the person I want to convey those feelings too. On the other-hand, this seems to always happen as well, I just wait to late to say what I truely feel & that person is not around anymore! Where’s the balance? I may at times move to fast, but more then often I seem to be slow-poakin around. I have found true love, & I can now say that I truely love myself, I am a good person regardless of what you may think of me!! You never understand people until they are not around anymore, then all the feelings of how things could have been made better comes back to your mind, & this makes you feel most times like you never really let that person go!! Take a close look into my eyes & let me know if you see any fear!! I am afraid of what I will do & I do get scared sometimes of what I won’t do, but most of all, I am afraid of myself, for the simple fact that I am a to myself, by myself type person & to much time to myself make me uneasy!! I’m really starting to wonder do I really love myself because alot of times I can’t be by myself at all!! I was watching "Good Will Hunting" last night, & it made me feel like I could relate to this dude who never been in love before & had this complex about people getting to close to him. In my mind, I feel like no-one is really willing to let you get to know them, & get all in to them as a person because, also like myself I feel like, the first feelings you get when you see a person are the feelings that you are always gone to feel & that’s not true!~! People have a mutitude of personalities that they are afraid to let go of!! I maybe the first to admit that, but you know it’s true!! Do you know how many people are inside of you? If you did would you be willing to be all of those people so we can really see who you are? I know who I am & I am afraid of people sometimes knowing who I am. I am not afraid to let a person know that I don’t know who I maybe from time to time, but just come along for the ride with me. I have said it before & I really mean it. You really don’t know people at all out here, it’s just a gamble!! A gamble that you take on people when you have things in common! I must say that I may sound a little silly saying this, but I know why I chose all the eccentric people to always be around or to have a relationship with!! In my eyes these people have a better understanding for who they are & what they want. All ya’ll so call normal people are just that, normal like your TV shows, very good carbon copies of what this world wants you to be. I don’t follow the crowd & the hardest question you could ask me is , what’s my type? My type is hard to explain, my type can’t be classified, my type won’t be subjected to think in the realm of your low thinking. I like smart women with a sense of knowing that they are unique by the standards set by your local media!~! I have for a while asked the question to myself about what I like in people & what keeps my attention, but all I could come up with is that I am the same person that I am looking for. I want someone who reminds me of me!! I want someone who could blend in anywhere. A classy woman, with a bitch of an attitude to deal with, a book smart woman, who can hold it down in the streets!~! Looks don’t have a place in my heart, it holds a place in my eyes & in my eyes you will lose yourself, because that’s how I judge looks, by that look in your eyes that you give me, by that feeling I feel when I lose myself in your eyes, by you knowing that I am lost in you & by the way you help me find my way to your heart!~! (Now that’s Beauty to me)  Let yourself go, what do you really feel in those times when you are alone, & nobody is their to help you to understand the thoughts you are having!~! Who do you turn to when asked the question that you are sure people want to ask you about you? Me, myself I don’t want anyone around me who can’t except my personality conflict, hell I’m willing to except all those people inside of you,  I would have it no other way. It really takes a strong person to be alone, me I am not that strong yet but I will have to be because my life is going through an out of body change!! My mind needs solitude, but my body needs you!!

Kingtay I

- Virgo -
August 23-September 22

The Hermit holds the light for us to stay upon the path in times of darkness. He reminds us that our thoughts form our reality. Ruled by Mercury, The Hermit is associated with dedicated service, unconditional love and spiritual ecstasy. He is the figure of elder wisdom; an experienced guide, well versed in natural and spiritual law. He teaches us to make use of solitude to question our beliefs, to become conscious of universal cause–and-effect and to discern wholeness. Confer with the Hermit whenever you need guidance.

• Self control —– Being solid —– Patience —– Compassion

• Composure —– Stability —– Perseverance —– Moderation

• Kindness —– Gentleness —– Slowness —– Softness

• Serenity —– Comprehension —– Discipline —– Inner strength

                                                  Yesterday I looked into my sons eyes & we had a talk, He is only one years old, so we did’nt use any words, we had a silent conversation that had more meaning then any words anyone could say to me. He has a great understanding for the world around him. This morning I looked into his eyes & I asked him was he OK, & just as if having a talk with someone my own age, he said yeah, with the most peaceful look I ever saw in his eyes. From his eyes I have learned & got strength, I’m not weak he won’t allow that from his father!! I don’t care who you are in my life, what must be understood is that, that’s my dude!! I don’t have any male friends, so begining when he was a baby, all the while I would hold him I would always speak to him as if he was my best friend. When his mother was not around I would let him know that he had to be my best friend all the time. Now He looks at me as such at lease from my perception!~! I can tell when he is mad at me, I can see his little personality finding itself in a house full of women. Kingtay II will  very much be like his father in the ALPHA-MALE department, he loves to be in control of his surroundings, he’s a little guy now but I can only vision him as a young adult with the attitude of his father. (You women will have hell to pay!!) The Strength card is a card that is wrapped in Mystery. I have chosen this strength card because it reminds me of my son & I!! Most of the time you will see a women taming a lion as the card of strength, now this just the short version & now back to the story of the fool , well he is going on his way when in his path he hears a lion! He becomes very nervous as he gets closer to the sound but can’t see the lion!! As he gets closer to the sound, he see’s a lady with her hand in the lions mouth, & by sheer will alone she is opening & closing the lions mouth. So the fool asked the lady, How did she do that? Her answer was short & sweet!! WILL POWER!!                  Now even the unenlighten should know a little something about will power! The will of a person is really that strong that you can tame anything you want, life is all about taming the demons of your life! Now me I look at the card & begin to think of my life & I say that I am a gentle lion, but you can’t tame me!! You can just hope that our paths are the same, so we can travel in the same direction! I have been trying to be as open-minded as I can about the way I view how people just want control over you, so they can feel more like they have great will power to tame the wild beast in man. Will-Power should be use on a very mental level so that you tame your inner-self. I promised that I would’nt repeat this, due to the fact that someone told me that everyone would think me to be crazy. But really do I care what people think? (No)   Well I have been bragging for the last 22 days as of today!! That I Kingtay with great will power of the mind hypnotize myself, that’s right myself, to help me quit smoking cancer sticks. Well I am crazy as hell because it worked, I am day 22 no cancer sticks & no urges to smoke or buy them. Yeah that’s strange & I even gave myself a motto & the motto is that " if you block something out your mind for seven & threefold days (7+7+7=21 days)  you will free yourself from whatever was holding you back".   Well I have great Will power, so don’t try to tame me, try to understand me & life won’t be so hard, we all have will power but the question is what are you using your will for???

Will-power             determination and self-discipline: a combination of determination and self-discipline that enables somebody to do something despite the difficulties involved Kingtay I

                                                Today tears fill my eyes, but I can’t cry! The Lovers, lucky card number six, this card means exactly what it implicates! As far as the story goes about the fool, he has on his travels found someone he would like to give himself to for love alone. Today this card is a slap in the face, & right on time with  the path of the life of this fool. The same thing keeps happening to me when it comes to love & what I must endure to have love!! I hope you have time to read this, because this will be my best work, & the most emotions my heart can out pour all at once!! I feel the walls closing in around me as I search for someone with a carefree heart & mind to match my personality!! I Kingtay from the start of this life of love has put alot of dark spots in people minds & hearts when it comes to the subject of love! I know I am not a teenager anymore, but do people belive in love at first sight anymore or in love at all? I mean I surely can pickem! I always seem to find those who love me to much, & lose themselfs in me, or I lose myself in someone who don’t want love from me, all they want is the physical part of a relationship. Today I can say that I don’t think I belive in love anymore! I can’t go on like this any longer, trying to find something that I should just accept from those who really see me for me. When it comes to love I have lost a whole lot more then I have won! I have been in love ten times, give or take a few, with seven of those times ending in a bad outlook on life for me. Can anyone tell me the difference between meeting someone, you guys date for a year or two, ya’ll move-in together & things last for another year, and ya’ll split or you meet someone & instantly you realize that you can grow with this person, ya’ll move-in three months later, the relationship lasts for the same time frame as above? What’s the difference? In my eyes I see none, but also I see that the last situation is lot more exciting then the first!! What are you suppose to do when you meet someone & just fall in love with them & they not feel the same way you do? I know their are alot of things wrong with me & most of those things seem to do with my outlook I have on life, but I am human & I am blessed with human emotions, so I feel just like you do, but now I can say at lease I understand that you won’t feel the same thing that I feel because you are not me. All I want is Love & maybe you are not the one to fall in love with. I really want to cry right-now for reasons I can’t explain!! I’m hurt, happy, sad, lost, speechless, & confused all at the same time. I guess their is only one thing I can do & that’s find a deeper love for myself. I can’t love myself all that much if, I let the people that truely love me walk away from me because I don’t love them the same!! I should do something about that right!! I don’t know where to start, how many times can you say sorry before the meaning is lost? I feel like sometimes I have to make a fool out myself to see who’s the fool for me!! Who wants to feel like a fool? You have given up on me I know, but I want to fall in love with you all over again. The first day is all that matters to me! When I see something I want I go get-it, I use my instincts to find happiness. I have this King of the jungle mentality that has caused me much pain in the love department, but I can’t seem to shake this lion inside of me that leads me to all the dangers of love. I just want to say the hell with it all when it comes to anyone, I should say that I don’t care what anybody wants from me, give me what I want, & if you can’t comply then bye,bye!! I know that I am a hard person to deal with & most-likly I will kill all the birds on the line with that one stone of truth, but that’s just the way I feel right-now!! My heart is ripped into pieces, & I want to just scream at the top of my lungs until this pain subsides. I know I put people in bad situations when I truely express the way I feel, but I am just learning how to express myself! For along time, I just went with the flow of things, & whatever I got I must have deserved, because I did’nt complain I just went with it, but now my eyes are wide open to everything, & this has made me a little more receptive to my surroundings! Can I tell you the truth for a minute, the truth about it all is that I must be feeling something that is not their, I must have a defective radar!! I make alot of bad choices it seems when it comes to love, because I just can’t seem to get it right!! All I want from your heart is understanding, I am not trying to take advantage of your tender heart, but I want all your heart & not many are willing to give you all of their heart. I really could go on for days about how much pain I have caused people that loved me truely & all the pain that I am feeling right-now because the person who I want most of all think me undeserving! I know I am a good man, but who will make me a better man? Maybe I should’nt depend on a women to make me a better man. So why do I think that a women makes a man better? I’m glad i’m writing this so I can look at myself a little bit closer to understand, what am I thinking? You sit and cry, not because you are hurt about the way you feel about me, or the way I feel about you, you cry because you don’t want lose the best thing that ever happen to you in your life. I am Life for those that chose to shut the world out, but once expose to the world around you, you lose yourself in it without me! It’s always going to be someone who will be next in this triangle of love, but what ends the cycle? Is there anybody who can just take it for what it is. I would say no, because right-now the King has a confession!! I would like to confess that their is someone in the Kings life who really don’t want this King, I mean just as blunt as she could say it without making herself feel like a slut, she told this King she wanted nothing but a physical relationship!! Now maybe a few years back I would have just given her what she wanted & just knocked them guts in, but now that i’m all emotional & shit, I felt cheap as hell, unworthy of true companionship, is that how people really view me? Am I just a play toy for the lonely? Do I have anything to offer? Is she trying to get me out her face? All these thoughts within a minutes time ran through my mind & I wanted to throw-up!! I felt like I had just looked into the hearts of those people who I had taken a dump in their mouths, for tellin me that they loved me, & I did’nt understand why. Right-now I consider myself a nice guy, & I pay good attention to what I say to people, for the simple fact that I feel things now!! For along time I took things for granted because I could replace you in a hot second with no thought of you but see-ya, have a good one!  I got people right-now I know that I can call & say let’s work this out, & they would be willing but that would’nt be fair because I don’t love them in the same respect as they love me!! I would’nt be with someone who wants more then I could offer them. The end, last but not lease the story of the fool!!!!

Drawing the Lovers almost always means a choice will have to be made. This choice is usually of the variety that is between doing what "makes sense" and following your heart. The answer to this dilemma involves surrendering to God. Don’t be surprised if your well-laid plans are suddenly subject to change. The Lovers remind us that we cannot attain our full potential with our conscious, rational mind alone. We must marry it to our subconscious, representing our emotions and intuition.The Fool comes to a cross-roads, filled with energy, confidence and purpose, knowing exactly where he wants to go and what he wants to do. And comes to a dead stop. A flowering tree marks the path he wants to take, the one he’s been planning on taking. But standing before a fruit tree marking the other path is a woman. He’s met and had relationships with women before, some far more beautiful and alluring. But she is different. Seeing her, he feels as though he’s just been shot in the heart with cupid’s arrow, so shocking, so painful is his "recognition" of her. As he speaks with her, the feeling intensifies; like finding a missing part of himself, a part he’s been searching for his life long. It is clear that she feels the same about him. They finish each others sentences, think the same thoughts. It is as if an Angel above had introduced their souls to each other. Though it was his plan to follow the path of the flowering tree, and though it will cause some trouble for him to bring this woman with him, to go somewhere else entirely, the Fool knows he dare not leave her behind. Like the fruit tree, she will fulfill him. No matter how divergent from his original intent, she is his future. He chooses her, and together they head down a whole new road.

Kingtay I

Kingtay I